Savannah. Humanity has given up. Wasteland extending, indefinite, indefinable. No benevolence, no help for anyone. Undaunted we stalk the earth, singing strange exotic lullabies to quench our thirst with tears.

Clear night. The stars shine bright, stabbing my soul with their purity. I see my breath, mists in front of my face. All the lights are so far away. I can see the street - barely. My footsteps in the glistening snow, bound to vanish soon. Dark night. Just me and the beauty of the universe. What do you feel looking up at the vast expanse of stars? *** Evening like any other, but here they come, against all probability. A sudden flash on the winter sky to throw us back centuries. Blazing in the darkness, against the satin sky, extraterrestrial, exotic. And we stand in wonder of this strange new world. Would we have dreamed of all the new worlds out there? Travel at the speed of light, your life almost flashing by your eyes as you become young again. *** None of our wildest dreams could have prepared us. Do we mourn the simple life? When we were still special, unique, alone? Oh, mourn all you like, mankind. The old days ...

And the storm is howling, the river overflowing. Rain drizzling down like a fine mist, falling through the barren treetops, creeping through the brick walls. And the storm is howling, the river overflowing. No light shining through my window, old wood creaking and my reflection is just a skeleton, out of the corner of my eye. And the storm is howling, the river overflowing. The old house is sighing, all the souls moaning as the rain whips the walls relentlessly. And the storm is howling, the river overflowing.

Just give me one more, one more cup of coffee on this dreary November morning. The wind was throwing rain drops at me like bullets from a gun. Different shades of grey as the day continues. Just one more cup of coffee to get me to the other side.

The long and winding road winds up and down the lonely hills, leading me from the wild and wide sea, with stormy winds in my back, through grassy and misty lands, sky overcast, scarf wrapped around my small and slender shoulders, up and down the rocky hills, goats and sheep my only friends on this long, last journey, up into the mountains high, woods all around me, climbing up high towards my resting place. From here I shall watch the sea, the place I loved, and never shall I return.

Not long, not long now, until the west wind calls out to me again. Reviving my hollow shell, giving me purpose, even if the only purpose is to press on. Forward is the way when you run to leave the past behind in the mist. Endless forests await, wild and untamed and they may be scary and frightening. But if you never leave, how will you know what you're missing, if you'll fly?

Once I close my eyes forever, finally I can go to halcyon days, endlessly reliving happy memories of the past. Until... Until the time comes to decide if I'll stay there forever or if I'll live again in a brighter future.

The sun finally made its way through the barrier of leaves. The cold slowly leaves my body. Surely one day I'll be free. Until that day I'll take pleasure in a sad man's eyes lighting up with a smile.

October is like the last magical month before the days grow short and the sun is hiding. Memories of October have to last through winter and keep me warm.

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse I should have noticed it  L. always told me, I should change, so he could show off with me. What does that tell me? One:  He needed me to show off, because he was too much of a loser to be able to show off with his own achievements. Two:  He just wanted to use me to make himself look good, maybe even to cover up his apostate activities. Three:  He was showing more than one sign of abusive behavior and  I should have recognized it. Four:  I am not good enough to show off with already, so I would have to change in order for him not having to be ashamed of me. Five:  I am not good enough for anyone unless I change and blend in with common standards of beauty and L. never told me I was pretty or beautiful unless I changed some aspect of myself. Even after I changed he still wasn't completely content. What does that tell me? One:  I am not pretty or beautiful as I am, so I have to change in order to...

In my lonely dark sanctuary I can finally feel the pain again, taste it, make it a part of me. Away from the confusion, the demands, the burden of life. Just me, my thoughts, the pain I inflict upon myself, death walking next to me, the spinning mind, out of control, spinning. It cleanses me. It returns me to myself. It purges the world from me and returns me to the essence of my own being.

"Yeah, maybe I should have prepared you for this..." I said, scratching my head as I watched my friends make themselves at home in my parents' house. This all had been a pretty last-minute decision.  I had been planning to go an visit my parents for a while now, and I had also planned to take a few friends with me. But then there were just more and more people that signed up for this trip, including my husband, my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law, my best friend and my husband's best friend, plus a couple he knew from school. Honestly, we barely knew them. I had no idea what the hell they were doing here. You were there, too. I had no idea how you even got here, but you somehow just showed up and joined our little group and you honestly just fit right in. My parents were probably the most suspicious about you, with your bright pink hair and your almost feminine features. But damn was I glad to have you around. "Maybe? You should definitely have prepared us...