A Dream Within A Dream

"Yeah, maybe I should have prepared you for this..." I said, scratching my head as I watched my friends make themselves at home in my parents' house. This all had been a pretty last-minute decision. 

I had been planning to go an visit my parents for a while now, and I had also planned to take a few friends with me. But then there were just more and more people that signed up for this trip, including my husband, my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law, my best friend and my husband's best friend, plus a couple he knew from school. Honestly, we barely knew them. I had no idea what the hell they were doing here.

You were there, too. I had no idea how you even got here, but you somehow just showed up and joined our little group and you honestly just fit right in. My parents were probably the most suspicious about you, with your bright pink hair and your almost feminine features. But damn was I glad to have you around.

"Maybe? You should definitely have prepared us! This is inacceptable. Why did you think it was even a remotely good idea to bring all these people here?" my father asked. His face was an angry grimace and I would have been close to tears just from the way he was looking at me, if I hadn't been drinking since the morning already.

"Yeah, I'll let you know next time. Sorry. We'll leave the place spotless, though, I promise." I said and gave him a crooked smile. That's when I heard something smash and a tired, lazy "Oh fuck" coming from the living room.

"I... better go check on that. Please don't be mad." I told them. I gave my parents a smug grin and walked backwards out of the kitchen and into the living room. A bunch of people were just piled onto the couch, drinks in their hands while my husband was desperately trying to gather up some glass shards.

"Guys, we better go and clean this up. My parents aren't too happy about everyone being here." I said to them and rolled my eyes. You look at me and give me one of those smiles. You smile with your eyes first and then with the rest of your face. Seeing it just makes me feel better.

"I'll go look for some stuff to clean it up with. Anyone else coming?" you asked, peeling yourself off the couch. You only really had one drink and were sipping on your second, but your face was flushed and you were already quite tipsy.

"Yeah, I'm coming, too." Dylan said. Dylan was my husband's best friend. Well, actually he was also my friend, but over the years he had become closer to my husband. I guess it was only natural. 

We all went back into the kitchen, you going ahead of all of us. You were just barely taller than me and nodded at my parents politely. They were eyeing you suspiciously and gave me a disappointed look as we turned the corner to get into the storage room. I couldn't care less. Maybe, in the very back of my brain, I felt a little bit of remorse, but honestly there was nothing wrong with me having friends over and with my friends going a little crazy. I knew I could trust all of them in getting the place spotless.

"Oh. My. God." I hear you say. I quickly turned my head and looked at you holding up a huge can. It was red and had loads of small print on it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Acetyl gas." was all you said. I was a little confused. What the hell.

"Ah. You think we can use that?" Dylan wanted to know. You nodded.

"Yeah, we can literally just inhale it. Like a helium balloon. It'll get us high as fuck in no time." you said with a big grin on your face. 

"Like... we just open the can and take a deep breath?" I asked. You nodded.

"Yeah. We should totally try it, it's fun. That is, if your parents won't mind." you replied. I shrugged. They probably wouldn't even notice and we were here long enough to just go and replace the can with a new one. No one would notice a thing.

"Let's do it." I said. You giggled and packed up the can, while Dylan grabbed a cloth so we could clean up the mess my husband made. We went back through the kitchen and Dylan passed me the cloth, so I could help my husband tidy up the glass he just broke. When we got back to the living room you and Dylan quickly disappeared into my old room. I just hoped you wouldn't get too damn high.

I went over to my husband and helped him clean up the broken glass. Half of the group had already started rummaging the house for some food. I was getting pretty hungry, too, but I knew we had plans to go out and see some live music later, so I was going to get a pizza at the place where the band would play.

Once I was finished cleaning up I went into my room to find the two of you sitting on the couch, the can of acetyl gas (whatever the hell that was) sitting on the table.

"What are you two up to?" I said with a slight smile. I was feeling the alcohol get to my head slowly. You smile at me and pat the space next to you on the couch. Fuck. I'm wondering if you know how much I like you. How much I feel that we are basically the same person. I'm married, for fuck's sake.

"Sit down and breathe in some of this stuff. It's good." Dylan said. I nodded and sat down in between you and him. This would end badly, I just knew it. I went straight into it anyway. If things went to shit, I could always run away, like I usually did, couldn't I?

You handed me the acetyl gas and turned the nozzle on it a little. I had no idea how any of this worked, but I presumed it was just like a bong. There was a little valve on the can and I closed my lips around it and took a deep breath. 

There was a slight chemical taste in my mouth. I handed the can back to you and you placed it back on the table. We all stared at the ceiling. Thank God the door was closed. My parents probably would have gotten really mad if they saw us getting high off their cans of acetyl gas. Whatever the hell it was. I still had no idea that this stuff even existed. But I could feel myself getting lighter...

and lighter...

lighter...

"You feeling it?" you asked me with a smile. I noticed your arm around my shoulders. I felt so safe, so warm.

"I think so." I said and leaned into the hug. I just hoped Dylan would keep his mouth shut. But he didn't seem very fazed by what was going on. It was as if he wasn't really there at all. You got a blanket and covered both of us in it. Honestly, while I was here with you, I didn't feel like this high was really bad. 

"Hey, hey, come a little closer." you said. I don't really remember much after that. I just knew I was feeling good and content, right there, in your arms. 

I didn't know how quickly time passed, but the next thing I remembered was that I was still in your arms, our legs kind of tangled up under the blanket. Your hair was disheveled and all over the place, but you still gave me a smile. I could feel you pulling me closer and I could feel my skin burning and tingling anywhere you touched me.

Fuck.

I shouldn't be feeling this way. I was married. But then again... my husband still didn't seem to be aware that I was missing. It was like we had become distant over the years, but you... I had known you for much longer and even though we had become distant for a good while, whenever you came back it was with an incredible force. It was just so difficult to describe. I felt terrible for even thinking about it.

"Hey. You okay?" you asked. You looked genuinely concerned. Goddamn it. I just couldn't resist.I nodded and came a little closer. I could feel your hands wandering over my legs and all over my body and I was just eating it up. Dylan was there, but also not. It was like it was literally only the two of us.

As I felt your hands roam my body, you were pulling me closer to you, holding onto me almost desperately as if you were afraid of losing me. Or maybe you were afraid of losing yourself. I couldn't really be sure.

I felt like I couldn't move and I didn't want to move. That was until I heard the door open. I quickly wrapped the blanket around both of us, so whoever would come in wouldn't notice anything. You understood without saying a word. I just knew you did.

The person stepping inside was none other than my mum. She didn't look too happy about the general situation. I could hear the rest of our group going mental in the living room. I still wasn't sure why she was making such a fuzz. She knew us. We'd be rowdy for a while, but we'd leave the place squeaky clean. Except for that one glass that we broke. Ah well.

"If you wanna get going to that concert, you all better get ready, or we're gonna be late. And we won't get any seats at the pub." she said and stomped out of the room again. I looked at you and you gave me a warm smile. 

"Guess we better get going then." you said. I nodded, taking one last glance at your beautiful eyes, before I got up from the couch to get changed into some other clothes.

***

The way to the bar seemed almost surreal. It was crazy how much my hometown had changed in the short while I was gone. When I left, most places were closing down and it almost turned into a ghost town. But now, when we were walking through the streets, it almost seemed like a completely different place. I couldn't remember half the streets and houses I was seeing. The whole place looked almost Mediterranean.

I had also never been to this bar before. Last I remembered we didn't even have anything like a bar in this town. And this place looked almost more like a big hall with a stage in front and a few tables placed randomly throughout this big industrial hall. It felt really confusing, but I didn't care too much. I had more eyes for you.

I sat down at a table with my husband and you sat down beside me. I looked back at you and you gave me a warm smile. I felt like things might be better soon. I had no idea why you made me feel like that.

"You want me to get you a drink?" my husband asked me. I looked back at him. Did I want a drink? No idea.

"Yeah, sure. You know what I like. Thanks." I replied. He nodded and got up to go to the bar. It was a little strange that he didn't ask you. I looked back at you.

"So? Will there be dancing?" you asked. I shrugged.

"From what I know of this town, people don't really dance much. I'd love to, though." I answered with a sigh.

"Well, if you want to, you should. It's not like you come here often. Who cares what people think?" you said with that smug, mischievous smile. I shook my head laughing. You were right, of course. But I still couldn't. Or could I?

"I can't, people here know me, they know my parents."

"And?"

"It's just... not a thing that people do here. I dunno."

"Come on. I'll dance with you, if you want. It'll be silly, but at least we'll have fun, right?"

I looked at you and you seemed to be serious. I couldn't stop the smile that was growing on my face.

"Fuck it, I'm in." I said and laughed. I had no idea if there was a band playing or not, but there was definitely some sort of DJ up on the stage playing some oldies. You got up and pulled me up with you.

We weren't standing far from the table we sat on, so not too many people were able to see us. There were still quite a few looking at us with their curious eyes. Some of them looked judgmental, but once I looked back into your eyes I could forget about them. It seemed so easy to forget about them when my head wasn't in the same world as they were. It was so much easier to just be in my own world. Our own world...

After a while a few people even joined us and started to dance. I had no idea how long we had been dancing, but I started feeling tired. I wish I hadn't felt tired and I could have just kept you there for much longer. I gave you a smile and we returned to the seats. My husband smiled at me and nodded at a bottle of beer he had gotten me at the bar. I was a little surprised he didn't seem to get even a tiny bit jealous. But maybe he just wasn't worried too much. I took a sip from my beer.

"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" you said. I nodded, as you made your way through the hall. I was still catching my breath. How would things go on after all this? When we went back home? Where would you go? It seemed like all my memories of you were starting to vanish all of a sudden.

"Hey, look!" my husband said suddenly and pointed toward the stage. I looked up and there were you. You had the guitar in your hand you had painted yourself carefully for many, many hours. What were you doing up there? Were you going to...?

"Did you organize this?" one of my friends asked me. She was leaning over from the table beside us. I just shook my head as you started playing the guitar. Were you actually up there? Performing?

"Oh, come on. There is no way you didn't have a hand in this!" she insisted. I shook my head again.

"I swear, I had no idea. I'm not complaining, though." I told her and looked back at you. It was amazing to see you up there. You looked happy. Really happy.

And then you started to fade from my memory. And from my reality. As if you were suddenly fading into the background of everything. I checked my watch and it was already early in the morning. 

I remembered now.

You were dead.

You had died years and years ago. I never even knew you, really. I had no idea what had happened the last few days and what was happening now, but I got the feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong. I shouldn't be here.

"Hey, sweetie, let's leave. I need to get some fresh air." I said to my husband and got up. I felt really dizzy. I had to get out of here. He nodded and helped me up, as if he had been expecting something like this.

We went outside. There were two people standing there, whispering to each other, smoking. It was like they were in their own world, too. I breathed in and out deeply once we were outside. Then I leaned against the wall of the building and looked up into the stars. I couldn't believe you were actually dead when just a few hours ago you were holding me tight... what the hell was that all about?

"You okay?" my husband asked. I shook my head.

"Feel a bit dizzy. I dunno, today's just been crazy. Should we try and head home? I've got keys." I answered. He nodded and so we started making our way through the streets of my home town. It sounds like it should be easy to find my way home, but for some reason it just seemed like the whole town completely changed.

We were wandering the streets for ages and it seemed like we were walking in circles, but also not. None of the streets or buildings looked even slightly familiar. I had no idea what time it was when we were completely exhausted and ended up in front of some sort of restaurant. Weirdly enough, it was opened.

As I looked at the menu in the window I realized that I was incredibly hungry. And they didn't seem too pricey either. Maybe it was worth it to just rest up a little, get an early breakfast, since it was almost time for breakfast and then continue trying to find the way home. Or at least trying to find our friends.

"You wanna go in for a bite? I'm hungry as fuck." I said to my husband.

"Yeah, let's go in. Maybe they can help us find the way home. Sun should be rising pretty soon, too, maybe stuff will be easier to find then." he replied. 

We went into the restaurant and it was the strangest place I had seen. It looked homely, like a mix between a pub and a coffee shop. It seemed like they served all kinds of fancy breakfasts - omelettes, sandwiches, pancakes, bagels - but they also had pizza and beer. In fact, on every table there was a complimentary beer.

"What do you want? I'll go up and order." my husband offered.

"I think I'll be happy with a mushroom omelette." I said to him. He nodded and went off to order while I was finding a seat. I found a nice place by a big window. It seemed like it really wasn't long until sunrise now. Maybe we'd even be able to get some pictures of it.

It didn't take long until my husband came back and our orders came to our table. It was the weirdest experience, being served in such a fancy place so late at night. It almost seemed like in here it was 10 am, while it was maybe 4 am outside. Plus, the place seemed to be getting busier. More and more people came in.

Just as we had finished our breakfast, we saw another group of people come in. It was the rest of our little group. I had no idea how they had found us, but I was incredibly glad to see them. Only you were missing.

"Where did you go? You were suddenly gone!" one of them said. I just shrugged.

"Didn't feel so good, so I wanted to go home and then we got incredibly lost and ended up here instead." I explained.

"This place is really cool. Plus, the sun is just rising outside, it looks really beautiful." she replied. I looked back at my husband.

"We should go see it. Maybe we can even make it up to the peer and get some nice pictures of the sunrise there!" I said excitedly.

"Sure, let's go." he answered. I knew he'd agree with me. He always did and sometimes it was driving me mad. But not today.

"Can I come with you? I can't really eat that early and I'd love to see the sunset, too." Dylan suddenly chimed in. 

"Yeah, come along! It'll be fun." I said to him and grabbed his arm on the way out of the restaurant. I didn't even know if we had paid or not and I honestly didn't care too much. The staff didn't even seem to care.

"Come on, come on, quickly, or we'll miss it!" I kept saying excitedly as I walked ahead of them through the narrow streets. I didn't know how to get home, but I somehow instinctively knew how to get to the pier. 

Maybe it wasn't time to go home yet, but it was time to go and see the sunrise from the pier. Who knew.

"Look, there it is!" I exclaimed and ran ahead onto the pier. I stared up into the sky that was dyed in beautiful shades of red, orange and purple. I didn't think I'd ever seen a sunrise so pure and beautiful as this one. 

"Be careful with the water." my husband warned me. I laughed and nodded. He was always paranoid about water, because he couldn't swim.

"I'll be fine, I just wanna get closer to get a good picture!" I replied and got right up to the edge. I took out my phone and opened the camera. I was a little upset about not having brought my proper camera, because the camera on my phone was shit. But it couldn't be helped now. Maybe, if I just got a little closer...

A little more...

A tiny bit closer...

I almost wasn't surprised when I felt myself losing my balance. I even had the brain capacity left to throw my phone onto the pier behind me, just before my body hit the water. It felt like I was sinking for ages. The water was dark green and only a few sun rays were hitting it yet. And then I started feeling  lighter and coming back to the surface.

I gasped for air once I came up and stared up into the red sun. 

I turned back towards the pier.

"I told you to be careful!" my husband exclaimed and shook his head. 

I looked back at the sun and I thought of you. 

And then I laughed.

I just laughed and laughed and didn't stop. Whatever had happened yesterday, it was a beautiful thing and I was glad I was there for it. And wherever you were now, I just knew that you were still holding onto me.

But this morning without you?

It was beautiful, too. In its own way.

I was still laughing when my husband and Dylan pulled me up out of the water. I was drenched to the bone, but I was happy.

"You know what? I think now is a good time to go home."