I Should Have Noticed It

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse

I should have noticed it

L. always told me, I should change, so he could show off with me. What does that tell me?

One: He needed me to show off, because he was too much of a loser to be able to show off with his own achievements.

Two: He just wanted to use me to make himself look good, maybe even to cover up his apostate activities.

Three: He was showing more than one sign of abusive behavior and I should have recognized it.

Four: I am not good enough to show off with already, so I would have to change in order for him not having to be ashamed of me.

Five: I am not good enough for anyone unless I change and blend in with common standards of beauty and

L. never told me I was pretty or beautiful unless I changed some aspect of myself. Even after I changed he still wasn't completely content. What does that tell me?

One: I am not pretty or beautiful as I am, so I have to change in order to be pleasing to him.

Two: It would be only because of him that people would accept me and view me as "normal" and pretty.

Three: My only concern should be to please him, otherwise I would end up completely unloved and even unlovable.

Four: He showed more than one sign of abusive behaviour and I should have recognized it.

Five: I let myself manipulate by him, so I am weak.

Comments

All the Universes

Light travels fast, light travels far, come and travel with me and with light... far, far away... to the farthest realm... darkness surrounds me, but soon the sky lights up with millions and millions of stars and I am not alone. Oh, sweet cosmic abyss, embrace my poor soul and make me immortal, so I can see... so I can feel... all the universes... all the universes out here... swimming through time until the end of it and the start of a new time in oh so many dimensions... spread out, crumbled up, sticking together, floating, rolling, turtleneck dimensions.

Fern

This was an early picture that I took with my mum's first digital camera. I had lots of fun with the macro function in our backyard and in some of the parks in our little town. That was before I was made aware that people would usually deal drugs in those parks and was forbidden to go. I went anyways.

Westport

I took this picture the day before the wedding of one of my friends in 2017. I was at the time still living in Germany and had travelled to Ireland just for the wedding. It was to take place in Mulranny in Mayo. My boyfriend and I had a friend living close by, so we stayed with him for a night and spend the day before the wedding in the town of Westport, where I took this shot (and many more really beautiful ones). If you ever get to Westport or the general Mayo area, you absolutely have to try the Clew Bay Sunset beer. It's a red ale and it's so far the best beer I have ever had. So if you're into beer and are ever there, get it! It's not really available anywhere else in the country, unfortunately.

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