I Should Have Noticed It

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse

I should have noticed it 

L. always told me, I should change, so he could show off with me. What does that tell me?

One: He needed me to show off, because he was too much of a loser to be able to show off with his own achievements.

Two: He just wanted to use me to make himself look good, maybe even to cover up his apostate activities.

Three: He was showing more than one sign of abusive behavior and I should have recognized it.

Four: I am not good enough to show off with already, so I would have to change in order for him not having to be ashamed of me.

Five: I am not good enough for anyone unless I change and blend in with common standards of beauty and

L. never told me I was pretty or beautiful unless I changed some aspect of myself. Even after I changed he still wasn't completely content. What does that tell me?

One: I am not pretty or beautiful as I am, so I have to change in order to be pleasing to him.

Two: It would be only because of him that people would accept me and view me as "normal" and pretty.

Three: My only concern should be to please him, otherwise I would end up completely unloved and even unlovable.

Four: He showed more than one sign of abusive behaviour and I should have recognized it.

Five: I let myself manipulate by him, so I am weak.